snippets 2

22-01-2013
(on paper with 'Other prescription details ONLY' printed on the back)

spasms in my stomach
are a familiar state:
staring hopeless
at a stop-start future
with a stricken panic
of standing on
judgemental scales.
i won't gain -- only lose
slice by slice,
kilogram by kilogram,
until i'm striking tomorrow
with a skin full of scars
and a hospital bed.


27-01-2013
(on lined paper with a printed flower to the side)

the wind lashes my face.
i walk with my
feet slapping against the
gutter.  people drive right
on past the stumbling girl
to the side of the road.
i'm only looking for something,
i think sadly:  someone
who is not there,
even as he comes home.


29-01-2013
(on the back of a discount store receipt)

chattering teeth
accompany nervous trembles
in a forewarning of

vicious fear.


30-01-2013
(on paper torn from my timetable)

faint-like.
blur. blur.  cut.
blood on the floor,
tired, tired,
tired.
hollowing cheeks,
cracking ribs -
slashes like tally
marks on my
arm.
(no, no, i'm not okay -
but thanks for
asking.)
blur. blur.
my shirt billows,
multiple sizes too
large.
how on earth do
you plan to hide all
this? - sore
head, wriggling
breath.      cut.
the blood is just
a blur.


1-02-2013
(on lined paper torn from a schoolbook)

i apply six layers of make-up
because worry tints the edges of her worn smile.
i feel her eyes inspecting my arms,

peeling back the skin and staring at
the sickness underneath.